From camping ground top dog-wannabes to beer can sky tower engineers: When the camping ground turns into a runway freak show and every beer makes some people think they are the kings of the world – it is festival season. Here’s a list of 11 festival-types that will definitely freak you out.
Festival-Type No. 1 – the camping ground top dog
You don’t leave anything to chance; every second of your festival stay has been planned in detail over the past few weeks. After you have hoisted your flag, visible to everybody on site, you set up your opulent party-equipment. Everything has its special place: Couch, beer pong table, music system, bar, including a beer tap – nothing has been forgotten.
Festival-Type No. 2 – the beer can sky tower engineer
Beer in cans is your statement to the world. Each can lets your muscles grow – and your beer can sky tower. You proudly present each drink at the edges of your tent; your camping ground turns into a castle made out of aluminium beer cans. You fear the moment when the source of beer runs out and all cans, hold together with duck tape, are empty and gone.
Festival-Type No. 3 – the beer bong drinker
Everybody with guts uses a beer bong these days to get drunk: You celebrate it to get wasted, accompanied with rejoicings and embraces of your buddies. Everybody, who uses an ordinary way to empty a beer can, will get your contemptuous look. Until you wake up in your tent the next day – huddled in the fetal position on the ground of your tent. You shouldn’t have had the last vodka-lemon long drink and you know it.
Festival-Type No. 4 – the “Everything was better back then”-complainer
If you start talking about all the memories you’ve made so far on festivals, the people around you may think that there can’t be a single festival you must have missed since Woodstock. Today, (feels like 50 years later) festivals are only commercial shit in your opinion. Buying a beer costs you a fortune and luxury camping (in German they call it “Glamping”) is a proof for the weak youth this century has brought up. You start to chat with every single person around you – if they want it, or not. Doesn’t matter to you. Your mission is to make each of the younger folk go back to your old roots, to grow guts again. Nothing can stop you from this mission, not even a bored young bloke who nods his head to get finally rid of you. And at the end of the day you know that there’s a cold beer waiting for you in the fridge of your modern campervan…
Festival-Type No. 5 – the hobo
You “accidently forgot” your charcoal for the BBQ, you go from tent to tent in order to “borrow” everything you need. A cigarette here, a beer there – looks like the perfect festival to you. Once the stuck of all the other campers is about to find an end, you will figure out pretty fast that the saying “sharing is caring” ends for campers with their last six pack. Or if you ask the same person for the third time if they have a spare one left for you.
Festival-Type No. 6 – the After-Party-Animal
Even when the last camping ground party is about to end, you don’t want to stop celebrating (most likely yourself). Instead of going to bed and find some rest, you start looking for early birds who might be interested in having a last drink with you.
Festival-Type No. 7 – the Festival-Prophet
You know each security man’s first name. Everybody backstage knows about you. You shake at least the hand of 500 people on the way from the camping ground to the festival-area. (“Hi Uwe, you’re here?”). Thanks to your experience – the 500 wristbands around your arms will prove this to everybody who’d be dare enough to question it – you know where to find the perfect spot to listen to the beat and see every detail of the stage. You love to share your festival stories with every one, no matter if they are interested in them or not. At the end of the weekend they will know them all, unfortunately.
Festival-Type No. 8 – the “Pogo” Dancer
Your mission is to draw everybody’s attention once you are hitting the dance floor. Coming back home with at least 20 bruises (or more) is the only way to show that the festival was worth going there. Even when they play soft Reggae – you will find a way to pogo. Not everyone around you agrees with it? Doesn’t matter, as long as you’ll get the bruises you were looking for.
Festival-Type No. 9 – the scruffy guy
Festival means to transport your body back into the Stone Age. Taking a shower, brushing your teeth, a normal diet – non-existent at a festival (from your point of view). After 4 nights of sleep under the sky without a tent, a maximum of physical decline and only crawling – you will be in need of a social rehabilitation program.
Festival-Type No. 10 – the king of the hits
“Guten Morgen, guten Morgen, guten Morgen Sonnenschein”, a German hit is blasting over the camping ground so every one can here it, even when the ear buds are still in the ear. It is 7 f***ing am! Your aim is it to make everybody listen to your personal hit list. Someone has to take care of the atmosphere – so why shouldn’t it be you? Loud music helps to fight the hangover and headache after a long party night! Looking for the first troubles with your neighbours? Check!
Festival-Type No. 11 – the mud-slingshot
The sun is shining. The ground is as dry as it can get. But you won’t leave this festival without a mud fight! 50 Litres of water and a little unevenness of the ground will form the perfect mud bath. The first jump into the dirt is on your behalf, a perfect bellyflop. Hugging people, who had been happy about staying dry this time, after your bath in the dirt is on the top of your To-Do-List for this day
Did we forget some festival-types? Write it in to the comments!
Could be interested too: The 7 biggest festival fails >>